Behind the Title, "Notebook of Blank Pages"

So over the past three or four years I have accumulated 12-15 notebooks, journals, and paper pads - (give or take).  For some reason I am always attracted to a fresh notebook full of...nothing.  There's a sense of new, unused thrill in a new book of blank paper. It's weird, I know, but whenever I'm walking through WalMart or Meijer, and see the office and school supplies section, I check and see if there are any cool notebooks or journals that I don't already own.  

I am constantly writing in my random notebooks and never really write in just one specific journal. Whenever I write something dumb or doodle in a notebook it becomes unused and I cycle onto the next one. It's dumb, I know, but it's my life, and I have no answers to why I do this...it's purely psychological.

The name "Notebook of Blank Pages"  came from some decisions and reality shifts I've had recently.

At this stage in my life, I am trying to figure out what I am supposed to do next, where I need to be, what I'm supposed to be doing. I only have this one life here on earth, what will God have me do to further His kingdom? I feel very unsure at this moment, but for some reason I feel like God has told me to not enroll in college this fall. I don't know why I feel this way, it just feels like if I get tied into college I will miss something that He wants me to do.

You all can try and convince me otherwise, but, my life is a blank notebook that God is writing my story in and this will be part of my story.

 

One of the things that separates God from me - one of the smallest things mind you, there is so, so, so much that separates me and God - is that whenever I mess up and "ruin" a page of my life, God just keeps writing. He doesn't throw me away, or find a new book to write my story in, He forgives my doodle or typo and keeps writing in my once blank notebook.

I have no clue what God is going to use me to do, or how I'll be used, but I know He is writing in my life and has a plan far better than my own and He is just waiting for the right page in my life to write that story. I want to be ready when I hear His plan and keep my part of the story blank so that He has space to write it for me.

There are many holes in this analogy, but I think it makes sense. It does to me...but I wrote it.

I am not saying I am going to do nothing and make no plans until I understand God's plan, but I am saying I don't want to ignore it or have anything get in the way of that plan. I will be working full time come this fall and perhaps taking an online class or two to keep my brain fresh. Hopefully, I will be made aware of where God has me and then be 100% ready and willing to do whatever that may be.

My life is His... I am a Notebook of Blank Pages that He is writing in.